These two days, actually, it's like a hell......!!
He said he's gonna come back the day after tomorrow,
two days earlier than he had told me.
God!
I have to lose 1.4 Kg in two days, in fact in one and a
half days.
I have to try anyway, cause I want to be pretty
in front of him.
I will.
I wish I would...

He said he was looking forward to seeing me...
I don't know what to say.
cause I'm thinking of stop dating with him these days.
I love him.
But sometimes I feel that he and I are just different.
We were raised up in so different environment and
the dreams for the future are different, either.
I don't know what he is thinking.
I feel a lot of pain in talking with him sometimes.
He's 7 years older than I.
I think if I keep on loving him,
I'll be so depressed and will feel stressful.
I don't think I can stand it.
But now I still love him.
I still love him.

I chatted with my ex. boy friend on the phone tonight...
I cannot tell that to my boy friend, off course.
I feel a bit sorry for him.
But we are just friends!
No more than that.
Anyway, my boy friend is gonna come back
on June 10th!
How I miss him!
But I gained some weights...
so I got to lose 2 kgs before he comes back.
Ohhhhhhh...
I don't know if I can or not but I have to,
for I think I have to be always pretty
in fron of him.
I know it sounds like a bit unnatural.
But it's kind of a nature of a woman
to think that she wants to be pretty
in front of someone she likes so much, right?
My ex boy friend doesn't know (I think)
that I have a boy friend now.
I'm gonna tell him soon.
However he konws that I have no feeling to
date with him again.
He said he bought a souvenir for me
when he went to L.A. on bussiness.
I don't know if I will meet him or not.
I'll decide after I meet my boy friend.
If I really like him(my boy friend),
I'm sure I'll not meet him and abandon a souvenir.
My boy friend has to go back to U.S. after
spending just one week in Japan.
And I have to bear to meet him until
August, again.(cause then I'll go to U.S.)
It's really hard to keep on dating from a distance.
Yeah, it really is.
I cannot have any kisses for more than a month...
I want to avoid that if I can.
I don't know why I chose to be dating with him
even after I left U.S.
May be that's because I thought it's easy to continue to
love him even if we were separated...?
But I found it not that easy...
I think I'm gonna tell my boy friend about my
feeling that it is really hard for me to wait for him for
more than 2 years
before he really comes back to Japan
and that it is kind of sad for us to come and back between
Japan and U.S. just in order to meet...
Anyway I'll try to lose 2 kgs!